Comfort series-Part 1.
To you, who have lost a parent/parents and a mate especially at a young age.
Friday,
September 29,
Seeing the title or heading of this week's newsletter is enough to get things worked up in your head, it did that to me too. Like I ended the last newsletter, while on my disappearance journey, I grew more fond of my siblings and parents even when I was away from them. I think that's an aspect of adulthood that hit me at that phase of my life and I'm really grateful it did. For someone like me who really loved leaving home before my holiday ended because I had enough of my family, it is surprising and at the same time amazing. One and the main reason for that change is the title of today's newsletter.
It took me a long time to gather my emotions and thoughts to write this because of how sensitive I am to topics like this but I have decided to write this anyways because a great number of people will find it beneficial, comforting and encouraging. I have not lost anyone of my parents and I still want them with me till their old age and I've never been married so I have not lost a mate before as well. You might wonder why I decided to write on this and I promise I'll give you the full gist as you read on. I hope I don't cry while I write this because I already cried while putting the pieces of this newsletter up in my head.
So first of all, as I mentioned before, I haven't lost a parent before neither have I a mate but I've seen and heard of a lot of people with such situations. I couldn't help but wonder how they felt and what was going on in their heads. I love my friends so much and I'm so empathetic. So while on my disappearance trip, I had discussions with friends and acquaintances where family often quite came up and it was very shocking to hear and know that so many people close to me had just a single parent. I had always thought that it was the lesser percentage of people that had lost a parent while I was growing up because that was what I saw. But being in the university and having really meaningful and thoughtful conversations with others has opened my eyes to realize that more than the 1% live with a single parent and I have friends amongst this ones.
During this journey as well, I heard stories of people who had lost their mate in death especially the newly married couples. It broke my heart to hear of those kind of situations because I never really had enjoyed topics regarding death even if it has to bring comfort. One of the crazy things about this issue is that, a lot of them would tell you how they lost their mate or parent and would not even shed a tear. You would feel the sudden gloominess, sadness and heartbreak but they will still maintain their composure and I wonder how strong and thick- skinned those ones have grown or learnt to be. It leaves me in bewilderment or maybe astonishment.
This newsletter is dedicated to my friend who never really saw her dad because he died when she was still a baby, to my friend who lost his dad at 18, to my elder brother- like friend who's always there to support me and made me speechless when I found out of his dad's death, to that guy who I liked but never really knew that I know of his dad's death and how I really wanted to comfort him, to that guy who is receiving awards but always think of his dad when conversations like this come up that he has to excuse himself, to that 18 year old girl with just her single mom who is now dead, to so many young people out there who are reading this and their parents who's lost a mate:
“First off, I know you guys really loved them so much and you didn't see it coming, it was so unexpected and heartbreaking. I cannot really say I understood how you felt but writing this and tearing up should be enough to prove that I can imagine the scenerio or maybe I can't. I apologize for not being there for you guys but I'm pretty sure you guys would have been stronger than I am at heart. This is my own piece of comfort to you so please accept it with open arms and heart.
Second, you all are doing well for yourselves without that piece, you are strong, amazing, tough people. Your doggedness in life to keep going and not giving up even without such an important piece is something you guys should be given your flowers for. If only that piece of you could see how much you have grown and how amazing you have become even in their absence, I know they'd do one thing for sure, be grateful to God for giving them you. So keep right on going. Give it all you've got like they are present, cheering you on and being proud of you.
Third, there's still hope. A couple of you might have known that already but I still have to remind you. Anytime it seems like you have forgotten, come back here and read this or maybe use your Bible:
“Acts 24:15 specifically mentions that you should have hope toward God, that there's going to be a resurrection. That missing piece most likely is not gone forever. There's hope of seeing them again, holding them, getting to do all the things you wish you could do with them and had plans to do with them. So please still draft out that plan for what you want to do with them and just wait a little while. Be patient and you'll see them again.
Fourth, to the mate of those ones, take a look at your kids, if you have none- reflect on yourself and see how the good things of that man or woman even if not there with you right now has rubbed off on you and your children, how you and them have taken something beautiful from him/her that there's a resemblance. How they have left an imprint even if they are not here at the present moment. They didn't leave you with nothing, they didn't leave because they wanted to, they left because life just happens. Do not neglect yourself, try to ruin your life, or even end your life but instead think of what they'll be happy seeing you do and do it.
Lastly, you are surely going to have one of those memories that jolt you up and awaken your tear ducts/glands sometimes and that's completely normal. Feel the feeling in that moment, acknowledge the emotions, might come more often than expected, accept it because that's someone you love and want to be close to but you still have to stay strong and keep on going ahead. You can be strong.”
I know I have not experienced any of these before and it might look like rubbish coming from me but I still wanted to give the best I could to help my friends and all around me to get through this life ordeals and to encourage them to keep right on going. And to those who like me still have their both parents intact. Even if your parents have a disability or are elderly, you should treasure this ones, use your time to create memories with them so that when the last enemy- death should come for them, you do not regret so much and you have things to look back on and be glad you did them. I am not praying for anything bad to happen but death is part of life, this might happen to any one of us. I'm sure these ones being comforted right now share these same sentiments with me.
If I have been able to help you even if with a little bit of comfort or encouragement, please let me know in the comment section and share to all far and wide who you know needs and would appreciate this. Thank you for sticking with me till the end and may you receive and find more comfort and encouragement.
And in behalf of those ones: “ I'm proud of you and how far you have come, keep moving forward”.
Second part of this deep series is coming up next, watch the space.