March 1st,
Friday.
Now, 2nd March,
Saturday.
I feel fear, I’m overwhelmed as well and I also think I am not giving my best. Being easily tired and lazy, I am beginning to feel that something is wrong with me and I need to see the doctor. I do not like talking about things like this but I just thought to share. By the way, I hate hospitals.
Recap of the past two weeks:
The last edition was on the 16th of February but I am just finding out that I used 17th instead when I wrote it. A lot was to happen on the 17th that’s why. My imperfection got the best of me. I returned to school on the 17th though and I arrived so late at my lodge. I got there by 4 pm but I knew I had to clean up and arrange my things of course, I did that alone but I had to use my mask because my rhinitis is now a little bit more serious than it used to be. But thankfully, I did not experience any symptoms after that. The week following was so boring because I didn’t do anything but sit at home like a couch potato.
This week though was full of activities. I resumed classes and hoped and prayed and pretended to be serious because that is what happens at the beginning of every semester but I failed on the first day because my attention span seemed to be very short coupled with bad lecturers. And in just two days of being in school, I broke down, I forgot to tell you guys that I took my time to dress up so beautifully and I was looking like a snack. Yeah, thank you for the compliment.
After I broke down, I took Wednesday as a lazy day off and then scheduled other stuff for the week. This is because my year officially starts in March and I have been booting for two months. So the list I made is what you see below:
Some things have to be kept secret hence the blotting you see. Productivity has been my thing these past couple of days so I should be done with it by the end of the week. I am proud of myself. I have had a lot of things hold me down from working on these but I am happy that I conquered.
Podcast:
The two episodes that went up during the past two weeks were topics that I gave my all to but they seem not to do very well. It made me very discouraged and upset. They both had the lowest reach in a long time with no conversions which was so disheartening but I knew I had to keep going regardless. You know the thing they say with having the highs and the lows? I am having it and even if it fills me with negative feelings, I see greatness coming my way.
When I feel like giving up, I just see the image of myself doing an interview and talking about the struggles I had before I became great and I just get the motivation to keep going even if the road seems to be bumpy right now and so with that, I did put out the last episode.
You can listen to them here:
The Issue of the Edition:
Mood swings.
You girls that always have mood swings that I complain about? I am so sorry. I did not know and I never experienced it before but this time people, I saw shege in the hand of mood swings. I think it’s one of Satan’s agents that is masked in that form because what did I not see this week?
First, I was moved to being productive. I wrote down my routines and scheduled tasks and wrote down my Her Habits for 2024. Next, I fell in love with nobody in particular because I think they were like 5 in number and I was so ashamed of myself, I got offended by the littlest things, but I forgave those I said I would never forgive. I just saw a lot of nonsense. I used to be very self-aware and have a lot of control, but this time, I was on the verge of losing myself.
My wallpaper after I fell in love but I'm still keeping it regardless.
I also got scared for whatever never makes sense. I just get so worried about everyone around me and everyone that I care about. I was anticipating bad news every second and that made me pray so much because I was so worried. I also got scared of doing things that would help me get better or grow personally and otherwise but I beat the fear out of me and here I am.
Okay, guys, a friend of mine left me because he has graduated and another friend came back for his final year in school and he got me a book. The book is titled: The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s wives by Lola Shoneyin. I also finished a romance novel in three days which I would not be sharing but I enjoyed it. You guys should know by now that I do not like romance novels but it was exceptional. I then started The Middle Daughter by Chika Unigwe and I am reading it side by side with the new book. The transformation that is happening to me and for me is so beautiful and I thank God for that.
I have written a lot today and I think it’s high time I end this edition. See you all next week. In two weeks.
With Love,
Tabss.