April 26th,
Friday.
I need to call an aunt of mine to beg for money, don’t ask me why and why it has to be on this date. I think I will call her later though. Now let’s talk about me.
Recap of the past two weeks.
So, last two weeks Friday, I tried to run away from a particular gathering, and guess what, I don’t believe in karma but my plan turned to dust. I still attended sha. I enjoyed it but since I was disgusted by some faces, I felt weird and they set me up with some questions and remarks but some conversations made it worthwhile, like, children’s positions in the family as an issue- talked about this with my friend and I loved it. I also kind of got a present so yeah, that made my day.
Saturday, a short and disorganized streak of hours in an event. I almost fainted from claustrophobia and the disorganization of teams. Communication is very important especially if you are working with a team. There should be clear instructions on what the teams are to do and conclude on what everyone agrees on. I did the worst in cooperation in that event that I was once excited by, I did not even have correct information on what I would be doing and I went there to make a fool of myself. I bashed myself, got advice, and met some amazing career people that I have been weirdly and strangely close to. This set of people or person has set my focus on my career on a whole new trajectory and I am loving it so far.
I started picking up good habits that I dumped a few months ago and I have been loving it so far. The aesthetic life that I am kind of living, the productive and the early morning clearheaded Tabss that I have not experienced for a long time now. I am constantly seeking improvement and I see it in my life. I went to school so much in this past couple of weeks like I’ve not done since two years ago and Lord, it was so stressful that I need a masseuse and a chiropractor.
Podcast:
You could check out past episodes. I have a lot under the sheets for the podcast when I resume and I promise, you guys would love it. Stay tuned.
Someone decided to treat me like a ghost this past week but guess what, I am not petty but I do that better than anyone else especially if the human is a sissy or a baby princess. It still boils down to this, we are all adults, if you speak your mind, honestly and sincerely communicate, no one will beat you. I think more adults need to be given training on that.
In today’s Edition:
Queen of self-awareness got into a rut but I never knew until I was two days in and overreacting and responding a lot to negative feelings. It all started after the disorganized event. I started feeling weird but I could not place my fingers on what emotions and feelings I was having at that moment and I was not keeping track of my feminine hormone changes until I lost it. I became awfully quiet, I felt like disappearing from the world, and then something let me realize why I was feeling all negatives at once. I tried to break up my friendship, I reacted poorly when confronting my friends for what they had done and I was just fed up that I almost called it quits but then, I came home, thought about the situation, of better ways, I would have handled it and what to do next time. As an advocate of friendship maintenance, I wanted to do my part until there was nothing I could do and that led to my adjustment in certain areas of the friendship.
Getting to know and understand my past self and my now self. reflection and analysis have done a lot in this aspect of my life. When I reacted the way I did being in a rut, I noticed that some tried to dismiss how I felt by saying “It’s not that serious” or “you are exaggerating matters” and my past self would apologize for reacting or feeling my feelings but this time, I was not even bothered. I made it known that you do not water down how I feel or my reactions because it is valid. I am becoming a strong lady. That made me think of all the perceptions people had of me some years ago for being myself and I just feel so messed up for letting other people’s opinion of me get to me that I became the thrift version of myself.
I learned quite a lot in just two weeks. And now I am becoming who I am again. The authentic self that I once let go off because of how people perceived me is coming back to its place. I had a rewind of my life. The same things that happened to me five years ago is repeating themselves and I am gaining clarity and responding to those situations well. Another reason why I call myself the Queen of self-awareness is because I would not have been able to point out a rewind if I was not aware. This rewind is giving me a second chance to learn and do things differently and that, I am going to do.
I am Tabss and I love you guys so much.
With Love, Have a wonderful day.